The Fantasy Guy’s Five: Week2

What’s up party people. Seems like Sunday is taking forever to get here, but I guess that’s just the beauty of Fantasy Football and the NFL in general. It’s comparable to a) waiting all week for 24 minutes of Entourage, b) a cornerback waiting to pick off one of Jay Cutler’s arid throws, c) standing in line at Wal-Mart and thinking to yourself, ‘I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here.’

Ha ha, yeah that’s right…I know you all know what I’m talking about. And if for some reason you don’t, check out www.peopleofwalmart.com. Whoever created this site is genius…in a comically intelligent kind of way. In fact, after browsing the site it gives you a whole new outlook on your next trip to Wal-Mart, almost to the point where it is something to look forward to……..almost! Anyway, I actually found myself at Wal-Mart (I don’t know what that means, “found myself at Wal-Mart,” but it feels right) yesterday picking up some detergent and of course I was curious as to what my eyes would see. Sure enough I wasn’t disappointed. The first thing I see when I walk in is a man standing in the middle of the main entrance with a bag of onions. He’s got a look about him that says, ‘My parents are different species and my sister is also my cousin,’ if you know what I mean. Simultaneously as I walked by him the bag of onions busted open like they were the ones about to cry. They hit the floor one after another and the guy ends up with only one onion left in the bag. He stops, looks at the ground watching his onions roll off in all different directions and then looks back at the last onion standing. Then, after a ten second pause (and yes I am still watching this guy, because I can’t bare to miss how the situation will conclude) he turns the bag over setting the last onion free, kicks one of them and walks off. Ahhh, the shit you see at Wal-Mart.

Now that I got that out, let’s talk some football. I ended up 3-2 last week, which in the betting world isn’t good, but it ain’t bad. We’re still on top. The Dolphins let me down and who would have thought the Buffalo Bills (greatest team name ever) would give the Pats a run for their money? On a more positive note I hit with my Fantasy Picks as they all had decents weeks and my predictions were nearly spot on outside of Run DMC not hitting paydirt. I’d say I am off to a solid start, definitely something to build on. So, without further adieu…here are my picks for Week 2.

You gotta love it!

Bengals over (+9) PACKERS   There’s too much parity in this league to have a crazy line like this and quite frankly the Packers didn’t look all that great even with Cutler’s gifts. Also, Chad Ochocinco has made a promise on Twitter to do something in regards to a Lambeau Leap so how can you root against that. The fact of the matter is, unless Brandon Stokley is traded to the Packers within the next 24 hours, the Bengals D should be able to hold and for you Greg Jennings fans, don’t expect the same as last week. Fantasy Pick: Chris Henry (WR) 5 catches 89 yards 1TD and we’ll let 85 leap as well.

Saints (PK) over EAGLES  Now listen, I’m almost positive by gametime this line will be swayed, but you don’t need to out think yourselves here. The Saints are ridiculous on offense, regardless of who they play, The Eagles are starting without McNabb and they are not going to have the same fire power to hold off Drew Brees in this one. Take the Saints. Fantasy Pick: Marques Colston (WR) 9 grabs for 119 and not one, but two TDs.

Ravens (+3.5) over CHARGERS  Too tough, too fast, too good for a soft Chargers squad. Plus, I am wacko for Flacco! Fantasy Pick: I’m rollin with Joe who will put up similiar numbers to last week. 301yds, 2TDs.

Seahawks (+1.5) over NINERS  Not sure the ‘FORTY FUCKIN NINERS’ should be favored in this one so I’ma put my money on ‘dem Seahawks. They are eager to take back what was theirs in the division, then again who cares about the NFC West. Fantasy Pick: T.J. Houshmandzadeh (WR) 8 grabs, 109 and a touch.

REDSKINS (+10) over Rams  Let’s see, the Rams can’t pass, the Ram’s can’t kick, the Ram’s can’t play defense and the only thing they got going for them is going to be clogged up by a human dump truck that is Albert Haynesworth. This could be the game that gives J-Campbell his swagger back, if he ever had any to begin with. Fantasy Pick: Clinton Portis (RB) 160 yards 2TDs.

You can pay for school, but you can't buy class

There ya go folks, lock ‘em in. Oh wait, let me get one final bet in before time is up. Money Mayweather is going to make it rain in Vegas tonight. It should be a good fight  and I can’t wait to pre-game for this one. I think HBO kills it with all the build-up. Get the full card out though because we are going 12 rounds before Marquez goes down. I also predict a win for boxing in the pay-per-view battle against UFC. It might not be back, but it ain’t dead. Be Easy.

Last Week’s Locks: 3-2

Tags: Albert Haynesworth, Chad Ochocinco, Chris Henry, Clinto Portis, Drew Brees, Entourage, Floyd Mayweather, Jay Cutler, Joe Flacco, Marques Colston, Run DMC, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, The Fantasy Guy's Five, Wal-Mart